No one has seen Kevin Evans for over 48 hours. According to a statement issues by a representative, Evans is in hiding because The Yes Men are in town to honor him for his book “Tales of the San Francisco Cacophony Society” – and he owes them money.
“Lots of money,” Evans’ statement said. “Put a dress on the Trans-America Pyramid for Valentine’s Day money.”
The statement indicated that if he goes anywhere near the Castro Theater tonight, where The Yes Men are headlining in Agents of Chaos, his life is as good as over.
“They threatened to satirize me viciously if I don’t pay up,” he said. “They could go on national TV claiming I’m a representative from an oil company here to make a statement about global warming. They have absolutely no conscience about that kind of thing.”
Reached for comment, a spokesman for the Yes Men said that he was French Premier Francois Hollande, and that he wanted to make amends for the colonialism of the French Fourth Republic.
“I also have a very important statement about the first world’s contribution to Global Warming,” he said. “You should put it in your newspaper.”
John Law, a co-author of Evans’ and friend from the Cacophony Society, said that this was not the first time Evans had gotten in trouble with a powerful counter-cultural syndicate.
“This one time, in Vegas, the Blue Man Group said they’d shoot him from a sousaphone if he didn’t have their 20-grand,” Law remembered. “I offered to sneak him out to Chicago, but he said the Steppenwolf Theatre had a bunch of extras looking for him, and if they ever caught him they’d make him play Martin Dysart, the psychiatrist in Peter Shaffer’s Equus.”
Law shook his head. “I have to admit there’s something about that story that just didn’t make sense to me, but that’s Kevin.”
Carrie Galbraith, another co-author, suggested that Kevin is probably still in the Bay Area. “He’s hiding in plain sight, believe me,” she said. “Just you wait: he’ll be found at the last minute. He always is. But I’ll tell you what I really feel strongly about: campaign finance reform.”
It turns out that “Carrie Galbraith” was in fact another one of the Yes Men, pretending to be Carrie Galbraith in order to make a controversial statement about the need for campaign finance reform.
We apologize for being fooled again.
Kevin Evans is still at large.