San Francisco Institute of Possiblity


Cacophony in the era of Homeland Security

Your toasters aren't safe

Your toasters aren’t safe

It’s one thing to climb the Golden Gate bridge in the 1980s, when America’s biggest concern was whether Rock ‘n Roll had gone too far;  it’s quite another to climb it in the post-911 era, when only radical Muslims climb bridges.

The new Homeland Security regulations, as well as other new laws and restrictions, have made many of the Cacophony Society’s most cherished events and traditions illegal, and even dangerous.  Here’s a partial list of how:

  • The FBI now automatically profiles any fish that enter marathons
  • Sticking a toaster on the side of a building is considered terrorism by local law enforcement, especially if it’s set to extra-crispy
  • Dadaism on university campuses is immediately reported to the CIA
  • Police have been specially trained on handling a Santa-with-a-gun
  • You now need a state license to crucify clowns
  •  Sending out a fake press release is now punishable by 6 years in a fake prison;
  • Cemeteries have armed guards;
  • Everybody thinks occupying a park must be some kind of political protest;
  • Anyone raised from the dead is now automatically considered an enemy combatant

New times demand new ways to get in the Zone.

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