San Francisco Institute of Possiblity

Fallen Cosmos

The Vatican, Dinosaurs, and the Fallen Cosmos! Oh My!!

The following news report appeared this morning on the website of The Christian Science Monitor – and was taken down less than 10 minutes later. To our knowledge, we have the only surviving text copy outside of the CSM’s own archives, and since it mentions The Fallen Cosmos we’re reprinting it here.

This may or may not have something to do with the recent Kickstarter release of the religious tract God Hates Dinosaurs. There is only one way to be sure: we need 666 backers to donate to the God Hates Dinosaurs kickstarter so we can know the truth!!!

God-hates-dinosaurs

Calls to both the Monitor and the Vatican have not been returned.

What fossils doesn’t the Vatican want you to see?

According to recently declassified intelligence reports, previously unsolved thefts of dinosaur fossils from natural history museums around the world can be traced to a ring of thieves with close Vatican ties.

Papal spokesman Father Frederico Lombardi confirmed that the alleged ringleader of the ring, Father Brian Kolodiejchuk is a priest (and in fact the former confessor of Mother Theresa), but denied the existence of an actual band of thieves dedicated to stealing specific fossils on behalf of the Pope in Rome.

But numerous intelligence officials consulted on background say the compilation of data from declassified CIA, Mossad, and the Direction Générale de la Sécurité Extérieure documents, all lead to the inescapable conclusion that the Vatican’s Office for the Protection of the Doctrine of the Faith has a longstanding team of thieves stealing fossils dating back to the Triassic period.

Both the start and the end of the Triassic period (approximately 252 million years ago) were marked by significant extinction events. In each case, the planet was nearly emptied of life, and has yet to recover its former diversity. The single continent of Pangaea likewise separated during the middle of the Triassic period.

“The fossils we believe Father Kolodiejchuk and his band of criminals stole are not especially valuable – at least for fossils,” said Harvard paleontologist Stephanie Pierce. “Yet the resources needed to steal Ichthyosaur fossils from the Field Museum in Chicago; plesiosaur skeletons from the London Museum of Natural History; thecondont remains from the Museum für Naturkunde, in Berlin, among so many others, must have been extraordinary. Which raises the question: what does the Vatican know, or think it knows, that the rest of us don’t?”

Reporters at the Vatican City newspaper L’Osservatore Romano say that high ranking clergy are becoming increasingly concerned about something they call “The Fallen Cosmos,” and believe that the long history of dinosaur thefts are connected somehow. They say sources confirm that a meeting was held just after Christmas on both subjects – but with the abdicated Pope Benedict, not his successor Pope Francis.

John Allen Jr., who covers the Vatican for the Boston Globe, said the ecclesiastical hierarchy has been concerned about the global impact of “The Fallen Cosmos” ever since one of Pope John Paul II’s ancestors, Jan Scholz, was briefly a member of The Hellfire Club.

“The ripples of that discovery have been profound, apparently convincing the College of Cardinals that The Fallen Cosmos is inevitable,” Allen said. “But they will not say what it is, or why. Frankly they all seem terrified. But of who? Kolodiejchuk? I’m telling you, he’s not the problem here. If anything, he’s being framed.”


Fallen Cosmos Essay: Incredible Secrets!

One essay writer has released to us some secrets that may save us all!

Incredible Secrets that may save the Cosmos:

I live in a partially burned –out pine tree on a mound of land I consider a hill. It’s a fairly self-sufficient life I live, drinking the water I save from the leaf-collection system I have configured. The raindrops are routed through hand-woven twigs and ruts in the limbs to a series of collection pools. My diet consists of salad from nearby wild greens, root vegetables and seasonally available berries. I cannot tell you exactly where my lair is as then I couldn’t tell you my secret.

As a child I did some extensive exploring of the woods adjacent to my home. This was due in–part to the limited possibilities to find adventure in the tiny studio behind the car dealership we lived in. One season, a long storm had rendered our family housebound for an extended period. A stir-crazy young me ventured out into the neighboring hills during a brief relief in the weather. I came upon an unusual tree with colors so rich in the twisted bark. It seemed to be breathing in the fog and light. The roots were greedily penetrating the rain-soaked hillside. As I sat back and watched it, it became clear to me that I could see it growing in real time. Curiously, as much as the roots descended, the upper-most limbs and leaves reached skyward. The rains returned. Looking for shelter, I ran into an impossibly small hole at the base of the tree. The caves within the tree extended surprisingly far. I kept moving forward driven by the amber glow ahead. Then I came upon the chamber. Expecting a fire, I was surprised to find the walls encrusted with red, green and amber crystals glowing from within. I managed to pull off a fist-sized jewel and hold it in my hands. I put it up to my mouth tentatively and then I bit right into it. I can only begin to describe this taste as it changed mid-way. Each bite adjusted to my expectation. Avocado turned to baked potato. Asparagus abruptly shifted to cucumber dipped in peanut butter. Candied cherries morphed into pistachio gelato. This is my secret. The chamber of the chameleon dining crystals.

There is a problem. As you reported, the Cosmos has taken a dire turn. It’s eccentric revolutions affecting time and reality and has effectively turned off the life blood energy to this chamber. I believe that this chamber may be the very heart of the Cosmos. We must save it! I would be willing to share the experience with right-minded people if I can just help to stop the Cosmos from entirely falling to pieces. I am already working on a plan but I will need lots of help. I will form a team on the night of January 31 at your venue, The Fallen Cosmos! I look forward and am hopeful that you will find it in your hearts to save this precious chamber and provide me access to your magical show AND SAVE THE COSMOS!


Fallen Cosmos Essay: Who am I?

This time an esoteric entry to our contest to be sure!

Who am I?

You ask me who I AM?

I have been called by many names.

Isis, Morgan La Fey, Mary Magdalene, Bride, bitch, slut, prude, smartass, dreamer, talented, loud, bulldog, outrageous, scary, wise, oak, angel, hellcat, banshee, siren, goddess, indigo, fantasy, wench, maid, priestess, shaman, earth mother, seductress, magician, fool.

I am all of these and none of these.

I am the voice that whispers in the wind.
I am the taste of the earth kissing the sky.
I am the touch of the waves to the shore.
I am the smell of the tree rooted in earth.
I am the color of the moon-bird in flight.

My words are many, my truths few.

I am she who roars and she who weeps. I lick your wounds clean with my salty tongue while making fresh red tributaries down your leg with my claws.

My voice is fierce, yet my heart is pure.

While you sleep I creep lantern in hand howling like the wind and release all your ancient ghosts.

When you awake my gentle fingers stroke the slumber from your eyes and rub life into your quaking limbs.

My dance is the dance of death and life and death and life – a never-ending eddy leading somewhere and nowhere at the same time.

If you blink quickly you might just catch my shape – that’s me the haloed after-effect of too much light, like staring at the sun.

When you are alone, I am there. Quietly spinning my yarn of tales, ideas, inspirations through your mind – giving breath to the breathless – urging you to Stop. Slow Down. Be Present. Be Intentional.

I am neither here nor there, for I am everywhere. Look for me and you will find me. Call my name, whichever one pleases you most, and I arrive. I may be under a rock. I may be the uninvited guest. I may be your own thoughts. Expect me and I will come.

For I am you. And you are me. We are one. We are many. We are. I am that, I AM.


Fallen Cosmos Essay: 80 Feet Underground

Just to prove that an essay doesn’t have to be long to work…

80 Feet Underground

Whoah is the poor traveler who finds themselves in the Paris underground with none other than John Law when this email was sent! We gifted our tickets, but has no one thought of us? Just because we were 80 feet underground doesn’t mean we are dead. I mean, really. We did come back up. We are here and ready to ascend into the cosmos.


Fallen Cosmos Essay: Full of Shit

Another amazing and long essay! This person totally deserves to see the Cosmos Fall!

Full of Shit

In the survey you asked about the most enlightening experience of my life. Well, like most such stories, this one involved severe pain and lots of shit.

The physical and spiritual challenges of that week combined to gift me with the best week of my life.
I used to be shy about using such superlatives in describing my life: it seemed immodest, braggy, and possibly delusional.

And then I got over it. Today IS the best day of my life because I am alive in it, and I am being provided with everything I need. Breath, sustenance, shelter, family, community, and most of all: Love! I am blessed to have so much love in my life and coming to me at all times. I am awash in it, I am floating in it.

And so the details: last spring I thought I had appendicitis. I was doubled over in pain. And I blew it off for a day, until I went to the doctor. They said “50/50 you have it, but you’ll never get into the ER, so go home and wait and see if you spike a fever, and then call 911.”

In the meantime, they scheduled a the CT scan. Which showed that while my appendix was pristine, my colon was very full of waste.

Yes, that’s right. I have now been medically diagnosed with being Full of Shit.

While this amuses me to no end, it is also pretty darn embarrassing. For one thing, it is considered impolite to talk too much about poop and pooping. And for another, I am deeply ashamed that I let my body get into this situation. I like to think I take better care of myself.

But of course, I pushed through the shame and quickly thumbed a funny facebook post.

But then I started the real work.

A koan had been presented to me. What do I need to let go of in my life? What am I holding onto so tightly? How do I open space in my body and in my life and in my spirit?

For some time I have been aware of my talent for Holding. As a Public Defender, I bear witness to awful traumatic things. My clients often tell me about the darkest moment in their life: their wounds, their fears, their grief. I have looked at countless autopsy photos and Sexual Assault examination reports. I have visited the scenes of many murders. I have spent a great deal of time in prisons and jails. I have hugged the family members of my clients as they cry when I tell them how bad the situation really is.

I hold things.

I hold space, I hold confidences, I hold secrets, I hold pain.

As public defender colleagues, we are allowed to share stories (attorney-client privilege doesn’t apply to law partners in the same firm), but I can’t and don’t tell others. Mostly because it’s just too sad and I don’t like being a “downer” and I don’t want to burden others. But also because I don’t like to talk about it; it hurts.

Fortunately, I also seem to have a talent for processing and digesting this dark energy, and turning it into Love and

Positivity, which I am delighted to then share.

I use this energy to fuel my body, and it turns out that I make a LOT of energy.

However, it is now quite clear that this process, though powerful, is something less than 100% efficient.

And so I got full.

Full of shit. Full of pain. Full of holding.

It was time to deal with it.

After a strong laxative did nothing, on Thursday I got a colonic: colon hydro-therapy.

(And once again, here is the TMI disclosure!)

I went to a colon therapy place, and the technician put a tube up my ass and then pumped me full of warm water.

She then firmly but gently massaged the water out of my gut, and repeated 4 times.

In the process I released a lot of stuff.

This is part is crazy. My normal weight is 200 lbs, and the day after the therapy, I weighed in at 193!!! Yikes!!!

Admittedly, I had eaten little all week due to the pain, but still: I definitely released 5-6 lbs of poop!

And more: during the 45 minute session, I also very consciously let go of a lot of other things too.

I chose to let go of the weight of the world on my shoulders. I chose to let go of the sadness of my clients and their families and the victims of the crimes. I chose to let go of my need to fix everything. I chose to let go of my guilt for not doing enough. I chose to let go of everything. I let my body relax on a deep molecular level.
I believe that I experienced in a small way what my death will feel like. A letting go of every thing.

What bliss that will be! What relief! What a blessing!

I FELT SO MUCH BETTER!!!

I felt light of foot, and I looked different! My face was thinner. My belly was flat. My acne-prone skin was clear. My back felt better. Even my annoying plantar fascitis got better.

But the big shift is in my soul. I begn to feel free.

Free of fear. Free of shame. Free of the burdens of the world.
A huge space has opened up inside me and Love from everywhere is rushing in to fill it. I am brimming over with joy and acceptance and gratitude.

I am ready to fill this space with the cosmos. ‘Cause its in there anyway and I was just kidding myself about that all along.

I don’t need a ticket to the cosmos of course, but I would sure like to get one to this show.

thanks for all the work,

[REDACTED]

Fallen Cosmos Essay: The Horrible Confluence

As promised here is first post of many… the wonderful essays we received from the Fallen Cosmos Essay contest!

The Horrible Confluence

I write to tell you of a horrible confluence of misjudgement and disappointments.

Truly, it is all my fault.

When the Cosmos were just beginning to look as if they might Fall, I was in quite dire straits and did not have much to contribute to its saving. I gave as much as I could at the time in any case, which was not enough for a ticket. I assumed, however incorrectly, that I would be able to add to my contribution at a later point, as so often this is the case. I then alerted the dear friend with whom I experienced All Worlds Fair to this oncoming calamity, and that we might perhaps experience this together as well.

She bought me a ticket, but alas, I find myself now unable to produce hers. I keep getting Decrees from the Governor, but have not had the opportunity to fill out a survey or contribute more in order to bring my dear friend to experience this multiverse-altering experience, the Falling of the Cosmos themselves.

She will be so very disappointed! Please, if there is any possibility that I might rectify my gross misjudgement and bring my beloved friend to witness this event, I beg you help me.

Forever your humble servant,

[REDACTED]

Fallen Cosmos Essay Contest

After the kickstarter campaign to create The Fallen Cosmos ended, the SFIOP began receiving messages from piteous souls decrying their own poor information retention and scheduling skills, or reporting stories of mean friends who only told them about the wondrous Fallen Cosmos when it was too late, and their subsequent inabilities to participate in the unique gifting ticket mechanic.

For those of you who, simply put, missed out; we sympathize. We are devastated for you. We cannot look each other in the eyes, for fear that we will break down sobbing.

But currently, all tickets for The Fallen Cosmos have been allocated. It just is. That’s a cruel, cold, fact of life. Like syphilis, and cell phone contracts, and the Newsom administration.

However…

We know that there will be some people who reject the gift of a ticket to The Fallen Cosmos. They won’t be able to make it, or they will forget about it and won’t register in time.

We don’t know how many there will be, but there will be some.

And that means there will be a few spaces open … therefore, we have the opportunity to extend the spirit of gift-giving and generosity that this event is built upon, and reallocate the unclaimed tickets. And do this we shall… to people who write us wondrous and tragic essays explaining why the world will be a better, more magical, place if a ticket should waft into their hands on a fortuitous breeze.. Or an awesome story involving a dragon or candy canes. One of us loves candy canes.. Everyone loves dragons. And bacon.

This is: The SFIOP Fallen Cosmos Essay Contest!

Don’t have a ticket? Wanna write us a note? All the spare tickets we end up with will go to essay writers. Send your essay to: fallencosmoscontest@sfiop.org

All essays will be posted on our site. Read ‘em and weep!